Shout HORRAY for the brilliant.

These last few days haven't exactly been the best. Walking down to the English department to find out where my life is heading, fingers crossed, and grumbling small prayers and tribunes in hope that i'd get in this program. I left said English department with less than a glimmer of hope, and nearly felt like dying on the spot. With those feelings i took whatever was left of my courage and hope, and went to talk to the problem of my situation. Though i still blame myself for lack of knowledge and test taking abilities in this class. I went to my teacher and asked her when and where i could find the teacher that could possibly save my arse. She gave me what i wanted. 7th period, or before school. Though she had stolen every bit of determination that i had. With the amount of self confidence, and depressing thoughts that were already there, she had the nerve to make it worse. I didn't even think it could get worse, but holy roman empire it did.

She told me that i could not pass this test, because the other teacher's test was absolutely much harder, she told me that she didn't think i was ready, and that what i had learned from both years in her class was not enough. Though i blame her for her lack of teaching ability, and my school for giving me the same teacher. She said that if i would have studied more Spanish since day one i would be fine and in the program now. She also reminded me of my dislike of Spanish, and my lack of speaking abilities. And repeated that this program was rigorous, and i wondered if she knew and other 'large' words. I seriously began to doubt that. With more of her 'helpful' facts, i left her, and oh my did i break down. Obviously it would be too much of an embarrassment in front of her, so my body held it in until i could no longer. It was so immense that i was stopped in the hallway and forced into the nearest stall to clean up, asked if i should see a counselor and eventually walked to my next class.

The next day, i forced myself to get out of bed, and head to this hell of a school. [I won't even go over this morning of hell ] I talked to this arse-saving-teacher and was told to give her my horrible tests, and she would help me and see if i could handle this 'rigorous' program. The problem is, when i receive a test or quiz from this so-called-teacher i would eventually throw them away in spite of my horrid grade, and study a fuck load more for the next quiz or test i knew i would fail. Ugh, how if only i knew these 'amazing' tests were needed. The same day however, looking through files and folders without luck, i passed the quiz for this terrible teacher. Everything seemed to be looking up.

Its kind of hurtful though. Not passing this quiz, but finding out that almost everyone else including your girlfriend and one of her only truthful friends in school made it in this 'rigorous' program and you didn't. Oh the bliss. Great. Oh how stupid i felt after being told this. Of course i was happy for them. But my anger, and feelings of stupidity fell on me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't talk, nor answer my girlfriend's question on "What's wrong?"

Haha...

Whats wrong.

Everything passed in one ear and out the other. I was blinded, or deafened as you can say, by frustration. Oh, much more than frustration. Everything was wrong. My recommendations for this program were cheesy , ugh i had to get one from a substitute. My grade in this class were anything but good, and oh right, they only accept 30 people.

I wanted to pull my hair out, freak out, cry, and hit something so hard it could explode 10 times. That is a understatement.

I'm go sit in a corner now, with my Spanish book, a gallon of ice cream, and my deathmetalcrap music. ;/